This post is for you if the narcissist has said things like "you have changed," "you are too sensitive," or "there is something wrong with you." Statements like these had a deeper meaning that we will uncover in our essay today.
Demeaning language is one of the
strategies used by narcissists, who are notorious for their abusive and
manipulative conduct, to subjugate and control their victims. Because of
their exaggerated sense of self-importance and lack of empathy, these
people insult, denigrate, and minimize those around them. Narcissists
use degrading remarks to keep their victims under control, damage their
confidence, and diminish their sense of self-worth.
Recognizing these demeaning phrases is crucial for individuals who find themselves in relationships or interactions with narcissists. Understanding the manipulative tactics and the intended impact of these statements can empower victims to break free from the cycle of abuse, establish boundaries, and seek support for healing and recovery.
In this article, we will be decoding and translating 9 things narcissists say to make you go crazy. Let’s get started!
Number 1: “I cheated on you because you never gave me what I wanted. You made me do it.”
Translation and real meaning: I cheated on you because I am a serial cheater. Disloyalty is in my personality. I need to have multiple people providing me supply at one given time, otherwise, I’ll get bored. You aren’t enough for me, in fact, no one is because I am not enough in myself. I cheated on you because I wanted to do it, not because you made me do it, but because I want you to feel responsible so that I can blame and shame you. I want you to feel guilty because I can’t, so you have to. I need to evade accountability, so I will make it about your inadequacy when, in reality, you have done nothing wrong. You have done everything in your capacity to make me happy.
Number 2: “Don’t you remember how good things were at the beginning?”
Translation: My mask is about to fall or I am about to lose control over you, so I am rekindling the fake love to confuse you, shift your focus from reality, and keep you trapped in the spider web of my lies. I can’t let you go so easily. Why don’t you understand? I’m strategically making you think about the good times so that you forget about the bad ones while getting sucked into the emotions I made you feel once. I am making you think about hope and the possibility of a relationship working out, so that you stay and give it a chance when it deserves none.
Number 3: “What else do you want from me?”
Translation: I am doing nothing for you, not even the basic things that I, as a partner or a parent, am expected to do. I have to turn it around and portray you as ungrateful, so that you feel guilty and stop asking. I want you to do everything, earn, cook, clean, and coordinate, but I need to take credit for it. After all, my presence in your life has made you so efficient. What were you without me? Instead of asking me to do more or to put in more effort, you should sell me and never complain.
Number 4: “There are people dying to have me in their life. Don’t think you’re any special.”
Translation: There are other people that I have manipulated into believing that I am a very sweet, charming, kind, caring, and compassionate person. I am triangulating you very covertly, so that you try and give more. I am threatening you to make you feel insecure and think I’m in demand when I’m the most lonely person you will ever find. Nobody is dying to be with me, they just like the mask of normalcy I wear in front of them. If they were to see my real side, they would run to the hills.
Number 5: “Stop acting like a victim. Stop having a party. I am the victim here. I’m the one who was impacted.”
Translation: In each and every experience that I have had with you, I see myself as a victim. Why? Because you don’t comply and obey enough. You don’t let me have control the way I want to, and that makes me hate you. How dare you call yourself the victim? Man, it is me! Clearly, you’re making it hard for me to play with you like a toy, to treat you however I want to. Stop that drama already.
Number 6: “Why do you make my life so hard?
Translation: I actually mean, why do you make it so hard to extract fuel from you? Your failure to play ball and to do what I want you to do is causing me to utilize more energy to extract supply from you. And, as per my distorted understanding of how things should work, you are doing this on purpose. I feel entitled to get that supply, and you should be helping me to get it instead of resisting and questioning my actions or words. Why can’t you make it easy for both of us? What’s wrong with you?
Number 7: “There is something wrong with your head. You need to take medicine.”
Translation: There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, and you are in your senses, speaking your truth and what is obvious. But I need to project and twist everything to make you feel as if you are crazy. So that, before questioning me, you will question your sanity first. I say you need medicine because you aren’t accepting my treatment of yours as normal. You are disordered because you aren’t being a complete doormat. You need meds to get that right.
Number 8: “I don’t like your friends. They’re not good enough for you.”
Translation: I want to completely isolate you and ensure you have no one to support you, no one to tell you that I am abusing you and that I am an abuser and you should leave me. I want to have all of your attention, your mind, and nobody else can have you. I want you to feel that I am everything that you will ever need in your life because that way I can abuse you in whatever way I want to, and you won’t leave. I want you to depend on me for everything so that I can hide my dependency through yours. I want you to make me the center of your life so that you wouldn’t leave me.
Number 9: “I don’t know what you’re talking about. It’s all in your head. There’s something wrong with you.”
Translation: I know exactly what you’re talking about, but I am pretending not to understand to escape responsibility and reflection. I want you to feel crazy for making things up. I know there is nothing wrong with you, yet I am trying to make you crazy to have absolute power. I’m taking away your ability to reason and use logic so you can never question me again. I’m feining innocence to make you question your understanding of the situation, your recall of the event, and your feelings such as anger, sadness, or confusion. I know things happened the way you describe them, but to escape taking responsibility, I need to act as if I have never said that or it never happened the way you are describing it.