An exaggerated feeling of self-importance, a strong desire for excessive attention and praise, problematic relationships, and a lack of empathy for others are characteristics of narcissists. They enjoy dominating and influencing people around them. They frequently leave the other person heartbroken and confused when they dismiss someone.
It's likely that you've heard that a narcissist who dumped you after a long-term relationship may try to reclaim you at some point. This isn't always the case, though. In this piece, we outline some of the primary causes of narcissists' constant disregard for their former spouses. The purpose of this article is to assist you in comprehending the reasons for the narcissist's sudden and irreversible withdrawal from your life.
In today’s topic, we are talking about seven reasons a narcissist will discard you and never look back. At the end of this article, we will give you our best tip on how to rebuild your self-esteem and become Hoover-proof.
So, in no particular order, here are the seven reasons:
Number 1: When you expose their true nature.
A narcissist may paint you black and never ever try to hoover you back if you unequivocally expose their true nature. If you show proof of their abuses and their manipulations to others, maybe through public exposure or in a way that ruins their carefully crafted image, be prepared for fierce resistance, retaliation, and intense backlash. They will spread rumors about you, launching smear campaigns at every turn, and they will permanently discard you, hating on you with a passion until the day that they die.
In this case, the narcissist will never change their mind about you because doing so would completely discredit them and damage their fragile ego. Instead, they will double down on their negative narrative about you, smear your reputation to anyone who will listen, and retaliate at every opportunity. To them, maintaining their own delusion of being flawless and faultless is the priority, even if it means rewriting history and vilifying you forever.
Number 2: If you experience significant failures or problems.
If you experience significant failures, problems, or an illness that causes you to lose face, status, or your ability to provide services and resources. Narcissists are extremely concerned with their image, reputation, and having their needs met. They thrive on being associated with success, power, and attractiveness. So, when a partner’s circumstances change in a way that could damage the narcissist’s image or when you have nothing of value to offer them, they will usually choose to dissociate from you and distance themselves to protect their own status, often discarding you like they never even knew you.
Their lack of empathy and selfishness does not allow them to view their partner’s struggles as a shared challenge to overcome together; rather, they view it as a liability that could reflect poorly on them. In their minds, it’s easier to cut ties and erase the existence of you and the relationship rather than risk any damage to their own reputation and their access to services and resources.
Number 3: When they lose control over you.
If you resist all of the narcissist’s manipulations and become uncontrollable, you will become extremely unappealing to them. Narcissists view relationships in terms of utility. If they perceive that you no longer serve their needs or provide the same level of admiration, attention, services, or resources, they may discard you forever or they may keep you nearby as a secondary source of supply in case they need something in the future. However, they will not actively pursue you or hoover you back as their primary partner.
Their focus has already shifted to securing new sources of supply who are superior to you and more compliant—definitely easier to manipulate. The narcissist’s lack of genuine emotional connection means that they can discard and replace you without remorse, viewing you merely as a tool that has outlived its usefulness.
Number 4: Excessive emotional neediness.
Narcissists are primarily focused on their own needs and desires, often lacking empathy and patience to deal with their partner’s emotional needs. It’s just too much for them, and it disrupts the narcissist’s sense of control and drains their energy, which they prefer to invest in more gratifying sources of supply. In their minds, maintaining a connection with an emotionally needy person is not worth the effort unless they are providing them with extreme levels of admiration, such as in the case of a partner with borderline personality disorder, where the narcissist often gets addicted to the intense validation, attention, and admiration that the person with BPD is providing.
Number 5: The loss of physical attractiveness or s£xµal interest.
Narcissists often prioritize physical attractiveness and s£xµal appeal in their partners above all else. If they perceive that their partner no longer meets their standards in these areas, they might discard them and never look back. This superficial approach reflects the narcissist’s lack of genuine emotional connection and showcases their tendency to objectify their partners.
That said, if their partner who is now no longer attractive to them still serves them well and provides many resources that they can’t get elsewhere, they may keep them around but will have an affair partner without any remorse whatsoever. The narcissist’s focus on their own gratification always outweighs any sense of commitment to their partner.
Number 6: A fear of retaliation or retribution.
If a narcissist believes their discarded partner might seek revenge or retaliation, they may cut all ties with them if they deem them dangerous and unpredictable. Narcissists thrive on control and predictability, and the threat of an unhinged, vengeful ex is something that they might try to steer clear of.Number 7: Establishing a new identity.
Sometimes, a narcissist may decide to reinvent themselves, which includes leaving behind their old life, relationships, and any connections that could remind them of their past failures or imperfections. In this quest for a new identity, they may discard their current partner to fully immerse themselves in their new life with their new partner, in a new environment, with a different circle of friends, and a lifestyle that better suits their new image. In this scenario, hoovering an ex back would undermine their efforts to distance themselves from their past and the person they supposedly used to be. But make no mistake: a snake is a snake, no matter how many times they shed their skin, and soon they will reveal their true colors once again, showing that their outward changes were merely superficial.After being discarded by a narcissist, you will likely spend an inordinate amount of time trying to unpack the relationship and figure out what happened. Eventually, you’ll realize that it wasn’t about you at all; it was about them and their insatiable need for validation and control. With a little investigative work, you’ll end up finding out about many of their lies and deceptions. You’ll discover that their charming facade masked a pattern of manipulative and deceitful behavior that extends far beyond you and your relationship. But maybe the worst thing about this whole thing is that you may still find yourself wanting them back despite all of this.
If this is you, then it is time to face reality, grieve the ghost you thought you knew, heal yourself, and recognize that you truly deserve better. Once you do this, you will become hoover-proof. Your ex probably won’t even try to get you back. It’s like they sense when the energetic highway has been closed for good, and if they try to get you back out of desperation, they will immediately realize that there are no detours, no way to get through to you. You have no pity for them, no anger towards them, no admiration, and no hope—simply indifference. They will quickly realize that you are no longer susceptible to their manipulations, and they will swiftly move on to an easier target.