Narcissists are people with an exaggerated sense of self-importance. They’re hungry for praise, attention, and admiration. Narcissistic traits include:
- Having delusions of grandeur
- Exaggerating abilities
- Being preoccupied with beauty, fame, power, and love
- Having an exaggerated sense of being unique
- Exploiting others for selfish ends
- Lacking empathy
- Having an entitlement mentality
Narcissism can be overt or covert (also called vulnerable narcissism). Overt narcissists tend to be extroverts who express their exaggerated sense of self-importance outwardly.
They’re loud, attention-seeking, arrogant, dismissive of other people’s needs, and always hungry for praise. You can easily detect an overt narcissist in a room.
Covert narcissists have the same goal of self-aggrandization and seeking admiration, but they’re subtle about achieving this goal. They come across as likable and reserved. They tend to be withdrawn, shy and introverted.
This article talks about eight things only covert narcissists do. Read until the end as we have prepared a bonus for you. Let’s begin!
1. Playing the Victim
Covert narcissists often portray themselves as victims, even when they are the ones causing harm. They twist situations to make it seem like they have been wronged, gaining sympathy and attention from others.
2. Passive-Aggressive Manipulation
Rather than directly confronting issues, covert narcissists use passive-aggressive tactics such as sarcasm, silent treatment, or backhanded compliments to control and manipulate others.
3. False Humility
Unlike overt narcissists, who openly brag, covert narcissists disguise their need for validation with fake modesty. They may downplay their achievements but secretly expect others to praise them.
4. Silent Resentment
Covert narcissists often harbor deep-seated resentment when they feel overlooked or unappreciated. Instead of expressing their frustrations openly, they sulk and make others feel guilty for not giving them the attention they think they deserve.
5. Guilt-Tripping
A covert narcissist will frequently use guilt to manipulate others. They might remind you of everything they’ve done for you, making you feel obligated to comply with their demands.
6. Gaslighting in Subtle Ways
Covert narcissists use subtle gaslighting techniques to make you doubt yourself. Instead of outright denying reality, they may downplay your feelings, suggesting that you are “too sensitive” or “overreacting.”
7. Envy and Secret Competitiveness
They may act as if they don’t care about success or recognition, but deep down, they feel envious of others. They silently compare themselves to those around them and secretly desire to outshine them.
8. Emotional Withholding
Covert narcissists use emotional distance as a weapon. They may suddenly become cold or unresponsive to punish you for perceived slights, leaving you confused and desperate for their approval.
9. Martyr Complex
They often present themselves as self-sacrificing individuals who do everything for others without expecting anything in return. However, this is just a tool to make others feel indebted to them.
10. Feigning Empathy for Personal Gain
Covert narcissists may appear empathetic and understanding, but their concern for others is usually self-serving. They show kindness only when it benefits them or enhances their image.
Final Thoughts
Covert narcissism is more difficult to recognize than its overt counterpart because it operates under the guise of humility and victimhood. If you recognize these behaviors in someone, it’s essential to set boundaries and protect your emotional well-being. Understanding these patterns can help you navigate relationships with covert narcissists and avoid being manipulated.