The first time I asked a guy if he wanted to try out this particular fantasy, I'll admit I was terrified. It seemed so niche, so weird, something that might make him run screaming out of bed at the possible affront to his masculinity. But I wanted it so much, so I took a deep breath.
"Sweetie, how would you like it if I put on a strap-on and did you?"
His eyes widened, and he breathed, "Yes please."
Pegging – when a woman penetrates a man using a strap-on dildo – is something we don't talk about very much, although an informal survey of my female friends suggests that the majority of them have at least fantasised about it, and some may have even given it a go.
A lot of the appeal as a fantasy lies in the way that pegging reverses the roles which we usually play in sex. The woman does the penetrating, while the man is penetrated. In our society, penetration is linked to power: consider how we say "you're screwed" when something goes wrong, or a football team get "pounded" when they lose. Pegging allows us girls to show off our dominant side and take the power back during sex. Meanwhile, men like it because they can experiment with submitting – and also, they have a prostate gland which responds very happily to anal penetration!
When I first decided to make my fantasies of pegging a reality, I bought myself a reasonably slender silicone dildo with a broad base, and a comfortable leather harness, as well as industrial quantities of water-based lube (silicone- or oil-based lubes kill silicone toys). I had my willing partner, and I had all the kit, and it was time to get down to business. I was as nervous as I was when I'd lost my virginity.
Once the buckles were done up on my harness, the feelings evaporated. I felt strong. As I walked across the room to grab the lube, I felt my whole gait change into a stride. It felt strange as I tried to replicate the pelvic thrusting movement I had experienced from the other end so many times before, but as I heard the first moan of pleasure from my guy, I knew I was doing something right. I discovered something I hadn't expected: the friction felt amazing.
When pegging, you attach the dildo to yourself using a harness – with one or two straps – which pass between your legs. As you move, you can angle yourself for maximum rubbing against your clitoris. A harness with one strap creates the most friction, and you can even put a toy inside yourself, if you like, and it'll stay in place. A two-strap harness means you can touch yourself – or get your partner to touch you. I now own one of each, to suit whatever mood I find myself in.
I've also expanded my collection of dildos. My smallest is slim and under four inches long, perfect for men who are curious, but don't want to try too much, too fast. My largest is a big, girthy seven-inch monster, not for the faint-hearted. Despite this, even that is too small for my current beau, who keeps dropping me hints that he wants to get me a present that's nine inches long (he's a keeper).
One thing that's pleasantly surprised me over the years is how many men are willing to say and unequivocally enthusiastic "yes" to pegging. My anxiety about asking has faded away – it turns out that to men, the idea of being penetrated is less terrifying, and more intriguing. It seems to be a reasonably common fantasy among men, as well as women. The lure of role reversal seems to be pretty strong.
Taking up pegging revolutionised my sex life, and showed me a different side to sex. I'm glad I gave it a go, and I hope other women will find the courage to realise their own fantasies.